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Witze der Kategorie English Jokes - Seite 12

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Kategorie: English Jokes

Maude went to the Doctor one day for an exam. After completing the exam, the Doctor told Maude to get dressed and step in his office. He told her to return in two weeks and bring a specimen with her. Maude looked confused but agreed to what he said.

Upon returning home, her husband, Ferd, asked how things went. Maude said fine but that she was to return in two weeks with a specimen. Ferd said, "What's a specimen, Maude?"

"I don't know, Ferd, but I was afraid to ask," replied Maude.

"Why don't you go next door and ask Naomi. Naomi knows everything," Ferd concluded.

Maude went next door and when she returned about 15 minutes later, her clothing was torn. She had scratches and bruises all over. Her hair was pulled out of shape.

"What happened to you, Maude?" asked Ferd.

Maude replied, "Well I went next door like you said to ask Naomi what a specimen is. She told me to piss in a bottle. I told her to shit in a bag, and one thing led to another."

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Ten Years
Kategorie: English Jokes

A guy is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat." The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft."

Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and she says, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"

"Ten years!" he says. She reaches over, unzips this waterproof pocket in her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!"

Then she asked, "How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?"

He replies, "Ten years!" She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on the right, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He takes a long swig and says, "Wow, that's fantastic!"

Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you've played around?"

And the man replies, "My God! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in here!"

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